Friday, January 25, 2013


Well, since it's already the most popular thing I've ever put on the internet, I'll dust this thing off for a bit:
I made this list (with the help of a number of friends on Twitter)... a list of a world where the Presidents of the United States have almost always been bears.
#bearpresidents of the U(r)S(id)A(e)
George Washingbear
Jambavan Adams
Thomas Jeffurscub
James Madourson
James Monroar
John Grizzly Adams
Pandrew Jackson
Martin Van Bruin
William Henry Harriscub* (put down in 30 days)
John Ailuropod
James Kodiak Polk
Zachary Baylor "Tip a Canoe" (noted river ambusher)
Millard Killmore
Franklin Pierces-With-Claws
James Bearcannon (experimentally weaponized during Civil War buildup)
Abearham Lincoln
Pandrew Johnson
Ursus S. Grant
Rutherford B. Hayes (guess what the "B" stands for)
James Growlfilled
Chester A. Arktos
Grolar Cleveland
"Gentle" Benjamin Harriscub
Grolar Cleveland (second term)
William McKenai
Theodore "Teddy" Ruxpinvelt
William Howard Taft (only human candidate large enough to fit in bear suit)
Woodroam Killson
Warren G. Hibernating
Calvin the Pooh-lidge
Herbeart Hoover
Franklin D. Ruxpinvelt
Hairy S Trubear
Dwight D. Eisenhoney
John Fitzbearald Kennedy
Ling Ling Baines Johnson
Richard M. Nanuqson
Bearald Ford
Gummi Carter
Bjornald Reagan, "The Great Eradicator"
George Herbeart Walker Bush
Baloo Clinton
George W. Boo-Boosh
Bearack Obama
"Thomas Woodrow Wilson" anagrams to "How t' roam slow in woods."

Sunday, June 19, 2011


OK so kimchi. I've tasted a spoonful of batch 2 and it's sufficiently good to begin blogging about. *thumbs in suspenders*

Anyhow, despite six years or so in co-op grocery stores, the shameful truth is that this recipe is s̶t̶o̶l̶e̶n̶ adapted from the the New York Times a few months back.

So here's what I got out of it.

1) Sweat the cabbage in brine (while weighing it down and keeping it underwater)

I've used a big plastic bowl with an upside-down plate, and both Napa and Savoy cabbages. Napa are easier to get into the sort of mouth-sized ribbons you may want. I'm reasonably retentive about keeping knives, bowls, cutting boards, my hands, etc. clean, or as retentive as you can be in a kitchen that might make a safety inspector chuckle once or twice. No untoward molds yet!

2) 24 (batch 1) to 36 (batch 2) hours later, scoop it out of the brine (saving the brine), spice it, and pack jars of it along with whatever the hell ingredients and seasonings you want, covering it with the aforementioned brine. Surfaces exposed to air are not your friend.

I put fish sauce in the first one (and no chili powder or paste), so the resulting product was a bright ginger-yellow, somewhat over-garlicked, and unsuitable for vegetarians. Also, I can't get little carrot sticks to come out to save my life. I've still blown through four bottles in two weeks.

For the second batch I knuckled under and bought some gochujang. The color's more on point. You're supposed to use powder which has no extra salt, what with all the salt you're supposed to use in step 1. Hmm. I fudged the salt down a bit on the sweating step and it doesn't seem too bad, a little under-spicy if anything. Shouldn't have cut out the soy sauce too.

Batch 2 has shallots (I'm done with scallions, just done), daikon, and pineapple. I went real easy on the pineapple (I was warned against using too much as it breaks down proteins) and it's a good thing, since it adds a definite sweetish tang which it might be easy to over-do. This stuff is tasty.

I might post about the tepache to the side later

The NYT says to start refrigerating it like three days afterwards, but I've got one more jar of batch 1 still sitting in the garage; it's been, what, almost two weeks now. You'll know it's working when the veggies start to levitate in the container; the bit of space at the top of the jar has given me no problems with spoilage but has taught me to keep them on a paper towel. I like mine seriously tangy and with as much bubbles as soda, but I gather I'm a bit strange in that regard. Also I drink the juice. Mmmm.

Below, a blurry picture of the bacon-kimchi sandwich I ate while preparing this post! It was a jocular idea but worked so well I'm going to do it again tomorrow.

little mustard, oat toast.

Monday, May 23, 2011

An atypical height conversation

A dapper old gent spoke with me in the lagoon today; he mentioned in his native Germany that "they would say of a man like you, that he drinks from the..." Expressive pantomime followed, and then "from the gutters that hang down from the roof."

I allowed that it was quite a mental image; he thoughtfully added: "You don't want to drink that water." He was quite helpful in pointing out the remark was vaguely derogatory, but it would come as a surprise to me as to how.

The German saying I can find that most approximates the matter varies in its phrasing, but one version is:

"Wenn Dummheit lang machen würde, könntest Du aus der Dachrinne trinken!"

"If stupidity were height, you could drink out of the gutters."

Saturday, May 14, 2011


Oh look, a post.

Let's not get our hopes up too much, though.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Chet hit a nerve; these are most of my Czech translation notebooks. Haven't done much of anything since...uh...summer of 2009? Hrm. Lousy school.

Fuks notebooks

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

More 251 club action.

It's hard to muster the energy to blog myself when there is an abler chronicler already on task. I'm Gigantor, if that weren't obvious.

Friday, August 06, 2010

A teaser...

One of the things I did on my two-week trip to Vermont recently was a tour of the Northeast Kingdom.

One of the other things I did on my vacation is sprain my left ankle, so this teaser will have to remain for now.